The Superwoman Fantasy.

The Superwoman Fantasy Are you one of the many working women who talks to clients, whilst picking up the kids or schedules meetings, whilst buying groceries? You’ve probably realised this "work-family balance thing" is a contradiction. “Don’t try to juggle. Don’t try to balance. Rather, let the fantasy of the Superwoman die.” Realistically, we know that we can’t juggle career, family, friends, gym time, absolute success and perfect bliss, whilst also being perfectly groomed. A nagging, internal voice may be asking, why not? Some women can do it. If I can’t, what does that say about me? It says you are a human being, not a human doing! Remember, you can bake a cake, market a cake, serve a cake or eat a cake--but not all at once. The Superwoman Symptoms Psychologists are finding that Superwomen often experience the following symptoms (tick the ones that apply to you): feelings of guilt, worthlessness insomnia loss of sex drive extremes in weight gain/weight loss chronic fatigue feelings of inadequacy & failure irritability anxiety Who is most likely to suffer from the "Superwoman Syndrome"? (tick the ones that apply to you): a high achiever by nature may have experienced high responsibility from a young age high expectations about her ability to perform and succeed “feeds” on people praising her abilities to be the superwoman often complains of her overextended schedule has difficulty in saying no over analyses and worries constantly has a hard time relaxing tries to be everything to everyone has difficulty in asking for help Sound familiar? It does to me... Meet the New Breed There is a “New Breed” of business women. These women acknowledge the compromises they made in their personal and professional lives. These female superstars (started by top Silicon Valley execs) know their options. Instead of trying to have it all (like the superwoman model that emerged from the ‘70s women’s movement) they are focusing on what makes them satisfied. These women are choosy, once they make a decision, they don’t look back. They let things go, and throw all their passion and energy into the path they decided to follow. They can come back to other interests later on. Baskin and Kauffman call this pattern of behaviour “sequencing.” It can also be seen as “liberating”. "Sequencing," is doing things that are exciting or interesting to us, but not all at once. It is not attempting to perfect the juggling act. Instead, it’s concentrating on juggling one task at a time, and doing it really well. Fulfilment = Success. In this Opt Out Revolution, achievement is measured as peace of mind, instead of a salary. The Road to a Cure Define Your Limits and compromise. Ask yourself honestly “What am I really capable of doing well right now?” Put pen to paper and create columns of what is really important and what is not. Recognize that you cannot have it all or be all, certainly not at the same time. Focus on one thing for a while. Do it well. Throw yourself into it and enjoy it. When you are ready, revisit that decision and see if you want to make a change. Be comfortable with saying “No”. Stop being a people-pleaser. You will end up overwhelmed and resentful. By saying no, you end the cycle of doing more and gaining less. Create a back up before you need it. Build support structures, safety nets. This allows you to work when kids are sick, or deal with client emergencies. Delegate without guilt. People around you have become used to the fact that you simply want to do it all yourself. Announce that this has changed and delegate. Take mini-breaks through the year. Buy a non-refundable air ticket to go somewhere by at least April each year. Indulge in the 4 pillars of health - regular exercise, good nutrition (limit caffeine & sugar), proper sleep and relaxation. Realise you are a Human Being not a Human Doing. Know that being imperfect is human. You don’t need to constantly struggle and not feel ahead of the game. Don’t expect every area of your life to change overnight. Small changes in your daily habits and mindset can lead to big improvements in the long run. “Being a woman is a marathon not a sprint”. Anon

Need to motivate, inspire and reward yourself and your female colleagues, clients? “The Superwoman Syndrome” is a fun filled, interactive, inspirational workshop for the woman, who is trying to deal with her multi–faceted roles, whilst maintaining her sanity! We will provide you with tools and strategies for coping with today's harsh realities. Contact us to book your date-don’t leave it till it’s too late! Tel: 011 469 1396 Email: info@profimpressions.co.za www.profimpressions.co.za

Professional Impressions would like to credit the following for information and images used in this article: Superwoman syndrome –Aidan Machonachy Leading Under Pressure: Strategies to Maximize Peak Performance & Productivity While Maximizing Health & Wellbeing-Dr. Gabriela Cora Hey, Superwoman: Learn how to take a break-Joanna L. Krotz Corporate Catalysts: How to Make Your Company More Successful -Dan Coughlin Chicago Tribune - Amanda Long Beyond Superwoman - Karin Strasser Kauffman and Peggy Downes Baskin. In search of the new breed of Superwomen-LISA CRAWFORD WATSON Your Baby - May 2008 True Love - October 2005 Elle - May 2008

Copyright © 2008, Professional Impressions. All rights reserved. Reproduction in any form, except for personal use, without express permission from Professional Impressions is prohibited.

When first impressions go wrong.

 If we lived in a different world, people would judge us on our experience, hard work, loyalty. Research has proven the reality to be that we are placed in “categories” within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone. Instinctively we assess, best guess and visually undress each other in this short time. If you are not able to present yourself fast and powerfully you will be overlooked

We are all aware of how important creating a Powerful First Impression is. What can you do if you didn’t get it quite right? Do we get a second chance? What do you do if you mess up? Mistakes do happen to the best of us. It doesn’t matter if the error was small or monumental. How are you going to fix it?

Negative Impressions
Common Turnoffs to Avoid ...

    * Fumbling with paperwork
    * Looking up at clock, checking watch continuously
    * Fiddling with jewellery
    * Clicking your pen repeatedly
    * Examining or playing with your hair
    * Chewing gum – makes you appear as if you don’t take things seriously
    * Eating at your desk, whilst you are walking, during a meeting
    * Yawning, moaning, whistling
    * Shouting, laughing loudly in open plan environment
    * Cuddly toys, amusing slogans, pictures around your work area
    * Dirty nails, bad breath, body odour
    * Complaining about a hangover
    * Telling racist, sexist jokes
    * Chewing fingernails, cracking knuckles
    * Conversing in front of others in a language not understood by them

How to recover
and land back on your feet
Oh no it’s happened! You’ve messed up at work or despite your best efforts you’ve made a terrible impression. Don’t despair you are more often than not judged on how you recover than on your initial mistake
Here are damage control strategies which will allow you to show your face in the office again and possibly end up looking better than you did to begin with.
The Costly / Career Limiting Mistake

    * Correcting the situation takes priority. Forget saving face here. Do whatever it takes to fix what has occurred.
    * Apologise to all concerned. Keep the apology short and sincere
    * Highlight how you have corrected the situation, as well as procedures you have put into place to avoid a repeat
    * NEVER try passing the buck as you stand to alienate your fellow colleagues and serve only to label yourself as untrustworthy
    * DON’T make a joke of the situation as this gives the impression that you don’t really care that you have messed up
    * Move on, rehashing the episode keeps your mistake upper most in the minds of others and damages your reputation further

Goodbye First Impression
It happens to us all, e.g. you try too hard and come across as gushy or aggressive; you forget your bosses name when introducing a new colleague. You are convinced you have made a bad first impression. People’s first assumptions or gut reactions to you taints how they see you from then on and will flavour all further interactions they have with you. It may take some time to overcome their preconceptions, but you can help matters along...
Reflect on the interaction
Are you happy that you were reflecting the real you? If the answer is yes, it might just be a bad personality fit and possibly you may never choose to form a connection with this person. Remember it is impossible to please or be liked by everyone.
“We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other people’s models, learn to be ourselves and allow our natural channel to open”
– Shakti Gawain
Correcting a Negative Impression
The Direct Approach – Pre–empting a Bad Impression
Some situations may make you feel uncomfortable eg meeting new people or giving a presentation. Identifying these helps prepare you for them. Perhaps warning the person you are dealing with “Please excuse me I get a little tongue tied when meeting new people” will certainly ease your and their discomfort
Stopping the negative in its tracks

    * If you feel the situation is going off course or that the interaction is not going well, back off and try and get things back on track.
    * Focusing on what the other person thinks and feels is often the way to deal with this e.g. use more “you” words rather than “I” or “me” eg “How do YOU view the situation?”
    * Make sure that your body language is in sync with your message, use open gestures, make good eye contact, nod and lean towards the person

The Post Impression Bandage

    * If there was no specific reason why the interaction didn’t go well a general “My apologies our first meeting didn’t go smoothly” Be honest.
    * People are often very forgiving when you show awareness of your impact on them This approach only works if you follow through and deliver on your promises

The Indirect Approach
Time is a great healer and as long as your subsequent behaviour and interactions are positive you may be able to outweigh your original negative impression. This however does imply that you will have enough opportunities to change the initial impression. Showing respect and paying a little extra attention as long as it is sincere, will go along way in remedying a painful situation
Learning from the experience and being more self–aware is vital in preventing you from making a negative first impression blunder again. Try not to make the same mistake again!
To guarantee that your first impressions is a memorable and lasting one contact us

Tel: 011 469 1396
Fax: 0866 140 205
Email: haydee@profimpressions.co.za
www.profimpressions.co.za
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11 Daily Habits to Boost Your Confidence

You step into the meeting feeling reasonably confident. Suddenly, you realise you might not be as prepared as you thought . Your confidence starts plummeting!
This is called the "spotlight effect." Under imaginary spotlights, many of us suffer major confidence loss. You will soon realise that the worst consequences of living in the spotlight are less oppressive than the best advantages of hiding in the shadows.
Even if you have oodles of confidence, try to implement some of these habits. You just might end up feeling even better about yourself than you ever thought possible.
"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
Peter T. Mcintyre

1. Overcome your fears.
Rehearse the fearful situation in your head and mentally walk your way up to the point where you feel the fear most intensely. Next, shift to something calming (a beach at sunset) and as you do a mental run-through, breathe out, physically relaxing your body. Then imagine yourself going through the motions flawlessly while your body and mind are relaxed. In essence, you're conditioning your mind to replace fear with success."--Picabo Street, Olympic skiing champion

2. Ask yourself the Universal Question. "So?"
In other words...really, who cares? Here are some instances where the Universal Question might help you break through imprisoning inhibitions:

“If I voice my opinion during a meeting, my colleagues are going to disagree with me”
So?
"If I forget what to say next during a presentation, people are going to think I am stupid."
So?
“If I disagree with my friend on an issue,
she is going to dislike me.”
So?
Use the universal question every time you feel yourself hesitating to do something that might impact on decreasing your confidence. 3. Calm yourself.
Get rid of nervous energy. Walk around the office block or car park. Then get focused. Find a quiet spot to be alone and take a few breaths before you walk into the meeting room. Then take a slow, relaxing breath once you've entered and taken your place in front of everyone. Then smile. People buy things from and listen to people who smile at them.

4. Start Each Day Ready for Action.
How does your day pan out when you get up late and head out of the door in a manic rush? Confident people love life so much that they don’t want to waste a minute of it. Start your day “on the front foot,” that is, ready and prepared and you won’t waste the rest of the day trying to catch up with yourself.

5. Work the room.
"You first must learn to overcome mingle-phobia. Psych yourself up to enter a room. Then make your move. If you don't know anyone, walk up to a group, smile widely, introduce yourself and say: 'I don't know a soul at this party. May I join you guys?' This usually gets a warm, sympathetic reception, and people start chatting with you immediately." --Jeanne Martinet, author of The Art of Mingling.

6. Don't be intimidated.
You are meeting with someone that intimidates you-be the first person to say something so that the conversation is in your control. Don't say anything competitive or defensive; instead, ask something personal like “How is your family?” “How did you enjoy your holiday?” Be sincere and it will probably throw off the other person's power-tripping ways.
“Confidence comes not from always being right
but from not fearing to be wrong”
Peter T. Mcintyre
7. Track Your Moods and Emotions.
How are you today emotionally? Confident people have a high level of emotional awareness — they stay in tune with how they’re feeling and the effect they have on other people. Do a stock check during the day. When do you feel confident and when not? What are the telltale signals in your body? Do you convey it by the tone of your voice or your body language? By tracking your moods, you have a measure of where you are at in case you need to refine the direction.

8. Wear your best attitude shades.
Every day you do put on a pair of “attitude” sunglasses. They act as a filter through which you perceive the world. Be aware of what type of filter you have chosen-is it positive or negative? By choosing your attitude for the day, you decide if it is going to be a day that is full of interesting experiences, or one of constant battles to be fought. Your experience begins in your own head.

9. Have a Great Self-Image
Remember the day when you were feeling really low? You chose clothes that were fitting to your dark mood. You looked in the mirror and you thought…”how awful…, ugly…, fat… I look “. Your self-confidence hit rock bottom. At the same time when you feel good, you want to look good and hence you ooze more confidence. The secret to looking good? Healthy eating, exercise and plenty sleep! Of course a good image consultant can also help you choose some great confidence outfits.

10. Operate from a Position of Generosity
Confident people act from a position of generosity and abundance. They give what they can, when they can — whether it’s their time, talent, money, energy, or love. Generous thoughts nurture your mind and attract generous people to you.

11. Review Today and Create Your Tomorrow
At the end of each day, mentally review what happened and how you experienced it. Every night before you turn out the light, write down the five most important things you want to do tomorrow. In the morning, before you get out of bed, take your list and decide how you to fit the tasks and activities into your day. If it looks a tight fit, start with the most important and leave out the least important. In accepting that you are responsible for your journey, you will find more clarity and freedom, and thus confidence to be yourself and do what is right for you. Make sure that what you are doing daily is striving towards fulfilling your life’s purpose. This way you will move forward being your most confident self.

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced”
Vincent Van Gogh 

Professional Impressions would like to credit the following:

• The 10 habits of highly confident people By Tad Simons
• How to Free Yourself from the Glare-Martha Beck
• Confidence by Rosabeth Moss Kanter
• The 10 Habits of Confident Women from Mary K. Moore & Rose Martelli
• Timeless Lessons-10 Killer, Daily Habits to Boost Your Confidence
• Weekender 7th Feb 2009
• www.zoopy.com
• www.iafrica.com
• Getty Images
• BizCommunity.com Proudly South African fashion livens up the red carpet by Vivian Warby, The Star on February 07, 2009
• Photo: Mandisi Tyulu, Bush Radio

Summers Best, Most Wearable Trends.

Summer's Best, Most Wearable Trends                          "In order to be irreplaceable                          one must always be different"                                         Coco Chanel A Fresh Romance Create a softly feminine look-use floral prints, chiffon, silk, lace, layering, tone on tone nudes and loose-tailored garments. For work don't do light colors from head-to-toe-rather combine with charcoal or darker pants. Team up a ruffled blouse or lacy camisole with a relaxed jacket. This way you will look feminine and credible at the same time. Warning: over-doing this look could make you come across as too "girly" and you will not be taken seriously enough. Back in the Wild Neutral, earthy tones, trench dresses, gladiator sandals, a tribal beaded necklace, gold accessories, animal and ethnic prints. Anchor prints with a utility khaki jacket. Invest in a bag or shoe with a touch of animal print-it's a classic print. Warning: animal print from head to toe-will make you the laughing stock of the office. Strong and Simple Sleek tailoring and chic elegance. Choose jackets in classic styles; Monochrome Mixes – combinations of dove grey, black, ash and white. Warning: if lines are too severe you can appear to be too serious or unapproachable. Ahoy! Ahoy! Mix stripes with polka dots and add bold colour to update the classic nautical look. Use combinations of black, white, red and navy. Warning: avoid horizontal stripes over the widest parts of your body, as this will draw attention to any "problem" areas. Hot Colours for Summer: The Brights Palette-inject your wardrobe with colour energy-try neon green, acid yellow, coral, aqua, tangerine, fire-engine red, electric blue, vivid purple. So as not to shock the office staff, anchor with a neutral. Remember that you can wear any colour of the rainbow-what's important is what intensity, hue and tone suits you best. For more info on our colour consultations- click here. Candyfloss Pastels-blush pink, soft peach, banana, lemon, lilac, powder blue, mint, jade and aqua. The Nudes-café latté, beige, cream, taupe, stone and soft khaki. Nudes go well when combined with other colors in an outfit or as a canvas to display a great piece of jewelry. Pick the correct nude fabric-nothing too body hugging. The fabric should drape and float away from the body. Sensational Must-Have Items: • The Dress-this is the season of the dress. If you are a busy woman, there's nothing easier than a dress in the correct style and colour to suit you. A Shift dress is understated, elegant and contoured. A Maxi dress is comfortable and kind to curves. The Grecian draped dress is very flattering. For work- make sure your cleavage and arms are not over-exposed. • The White Shirt-update yours every season. Choose one with enough flair to carry a whole outfit. • The Jumpsuit-select a neutral colour-grey, camel or black. Choose softly, draped simple styles and fabrics. Worn with belts, jackets, stacked heels and bold accessories. • Bib and multi-row necklaces. • Drawstring toggle bags and mini bags. • Strappy, cut-out, stacked stilettos & wedges- nude, printed or floral, bows and buckle detail. Invest in a neutral pair of heels that matches your skin color-it will visually extend the line of your leg-instantly making you appear taller when showing off your legs. • A striking arm cuff in brass, silver or wood. •Oversized glasses-printed and tinted in your favourite Summer shade. Trends to avoid-don't waste your money: • Rock a sock-wearing socks with your sandals..ughhh! • The Utility Trend-looks like you are going to work on the plumbing of your house. Zips, ties, slouchy pockets. Too casual for work. • Thigh-baring minis/shorts-beware of anything that is super-short, you will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. If you have good legs opt for the just-above-the knee pencil skirt. • Lingerie as Outerwear-corsets, lacy camis on their own."I believe in the 9 to 5 girl-not the 5 p.m. to 9 a.m. girl." Adam Glassman. Rather make use of smart layering. • Mixing multi prints & patterns-very few people can pull off this mix 'n match so rather keep to one major print per outfit. • The Western look-faded denim, fringing, suede, cowboy boots. Your manager will put you on your horse and ask you to go back to the ranch! • Casual, flat gladiator sandals or pumps for the office. The Latest Fashion for Men: Suits-the cut this season is narrow and fitted. If you are not the athletic build, opt for a semi-fitted suit instead. Two button, single vent and single breasted suits are in. The new black is gun metal grey. In Summer you can choose a lighter colour neutral suit eg chocolate brown or stone. Don't go lighter than mid-tone if you want to be taken seriously. Shirts & Ties-it's all in the understated detail e.g. contrast stitching, to contrast piping and contrast under collars. Shirt collars are double and exaggerated. Cuffs with piped edging. Multi striped shirts for a more casual look. Self-striped shirts and ties. Prints-subtle florals or paisleys. Ties are narrower this season. The tie and pocket square are an important part of the look. Pants-the trend is to wear them ankle length. If you wish to do this use it for your more casual, non-work pants. Pleatless and looser wide-legged trousers are popular this season. Fabrics-linen rears its head again-seen in black, stone and white. More appropriate for a relaxed environment or casual event. If you wish to introduce it to the office select it in luxury mixes with wool, cashmere or silk. Colours-shades of the earth, sand, dark- brown and khaki-green, combined with white, and Chinese red and teal blue as highlights. Different shades of blue, mixed with beige and white, with accents of lilac and soft pink. High summer opens with lemon yellow, white and brown, followed by fire shades of burnt orange, fuchsia with white or metallic grey. The colour of the season is purple from lavender to bright purple,as well as all tones of green; from mint to neon-green. Remember, it's not about what you wear-it's how you wear it. Make sure it's appropriate for the situation, accentuates your assets and makes you feel confident.